The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize