finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
