I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
