Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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