There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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