Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
