We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
