Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
