Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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