I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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