Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
