I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
