i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
