How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
