NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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