yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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