Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
