I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In other news, I just burned my penis
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
