My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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