"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
