she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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