you would pick up someone in the library
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
