Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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