Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
