She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
