I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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