Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
