we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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