if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
