Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
