your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
