Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
