So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him