So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
