Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

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  (301): White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss. http://tfl.nu/246p
  Replies (5) Good night (718) Bad night (1389)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my fart just growled at me.

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  (203): I think my fart just growled at me. http://tfl.nu/gjsq
  Replies (7) Good night (1083) Bad night (2199)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial

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  (757): this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial http://tfl.nu/3bm0
  Replies (11) Good night (668) Bad night (3824)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors

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  (402): I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors http://tfl.nu/ajt6
  Replies (8) Good night (5020) Bad night (595)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.

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  (770): next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth. http://tfl.nu/is4b
  Replies (22) Good night (1432) Bad night (2912)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?

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  (617): So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus? http://tfl.nu/bsxq
  Replies (19) Good night (1129) Bad night (5593)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.

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  (330): you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there. http://tfl.nu/1912
  Replies (7) Good night (6176) Bad night (1097)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

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  (412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6
  Replies (6) Good night (4478) Bad night (969)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.

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  (940): An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese. http://tfl.nu/bzrb
  Replies (7) Good night (3356) Bad night (894)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

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  (770): you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why. (678): THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/cex4
  Replies (18) Good night (3006) Bad night (711)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?

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  (781): Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it? http://tfl.nu/aevy
  Replies (10) Good night (1379) Bad night (567)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks

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  (204): i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks http://tfl.nu/udr3
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (419)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.

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  (440): Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature. http://tfl.nu/1n60
  Replies (6) Good night (571) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.

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  (251): I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka. http://tfl.nu/3ozc
  Replies (6) Good night (516) Bad night (214)
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  (714): View more from California

  Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?

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  (714): Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like? http://tfl.nu/njs7
  Replies (5) Good night (211) Bad night (833)

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