So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.