I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.