omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
