Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he thought i was a dude.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
