make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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