Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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