I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
