so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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