Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
