I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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