Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
