I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
