Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't turn off my feet"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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