a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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