so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
