the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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