I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
