if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
