She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
