He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
