just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
