You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
