What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The Olympian is in my bed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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