Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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