would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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