I am spending my child support on dildos
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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