i think my tv is drunk
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
