idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
don't judge my taste in strippers
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
