You're my little dorito
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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