totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
