Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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