Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
