Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
