wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
